Feeling my motivation slipping.

My motivation and determination is faltering again. Yesterday I failed to motivate myself to go for a run. I can make all the excuses I want: I was unexpectedly sore from my workouts the day before, I haven't been sleeping well, I'm just in a funk; but the only fact that matters is that I did not run.

Luckily for my goals (and my star filled calendar), I had already done my Yoga for the day when my resolve decided to take a vacation, so I got my 30 minutes of exercise in for the day.

I'm finding myself increasingly sore lately. I'm not sure if it's a good or bad sore though. It doesn't feel like the same kind of sore I'm used to from working muscles, more of a general stiffness and dull ache. I've also, somehow screwed up my sleep cycle. I am almost overwhelmingly tired during the day, and then frustratingly awake when it comes time for bed. This is vicious cycle for me, since the more tired I am the more I rely on caffeine to prop me up through the day. This morning found me too exhausted to wake up at my new early hour to get my yoga done. Instead I started my day late.

I suppose it's a victory, since I did manage to motivate myself to actually do the yoga, instead of just skipping it. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I am working out more, and more consistently, than ever. I am, however, lazy when compared to my two workout buddies. It's hard to temper my competitive streak and keep myself from pushing too hard too fast. It's hard for me to cut myself a break when I need one and just step back and let myself rest.

This is the last week before my next "official" weigh in and measurements. I can't slack off now.

New Shoes, and a new breakfast food

This weekend was full of goods and bads as far as fitness goes. Saturday, I did not work out, but I did manage to get myself some new running shoes. Nike Woman's Air Citius II+'s to be exact. The inaugural run for my brand new shoes was on Sunday, and it went well. I ran for 2 miles without a reoccurred of the calf pain that had been plaguing me.

This morning I tried some Greek Yogurt for breakfast (thanks Diana!), it was very yummy, and the small serving was acceptable to my stomach. I think I'm going to grab some more and alternate it with oatmeal.

So far I'm doing alright with my workouts...I've only missed two days out of the last eight. I hope I can up that percentage this week!

Waking up early

Tried a new tactic this morning, literally. I made myself get up with my S.O. and do my AM Yoga while he got ready to leave for work. I am not a morning person, but I have to say, I feel more awake than I normally would at this time (9:30 am for the record.)

I figure doing this will allow me to step up my workouts, since I've been doing my yoga at lunch and then every other day hitting the gym around 6. This way, Yoga is done, and I can do something else at lunch time (still planning on hitting the gym every other day.)

This brings up an interesting point for me, I have been shying away from "new" workouts lately. Oh I've queued up a ton of new videos to try, and I still have a couple DVD's I haven't played through yet, but I keep falling back on "safe" workouts. Ones where I know how hard I'm going to work, and I know how long they are. I don't know how to get myself past this mental block other than to just do the new workouts.

Alright. Day one of this morning stuff is a success. Let's see how long I can keep it up!

Weekend Warrior

This weekend was the first weekend that I have managed to get myself up off my butt to work out both days. Of course I followed that up by getting absolutely no exercise on Monday.

I did some yoga on Saturday, to try and give my legs a rest from the pounding they've been taking with the increased running schedule. I'm feeling it in my calves again, which has me worried. I don't want to sideline myself again, especially when I've been doing so well.

Then Sunday I did a Boot Camp Video that basically undid all the "rest" my legs were getting.

I'm focusing on the fact that I did really well the rest of last week, even if both my workout partners are kicking my butt.

I've been trying out new video's through Netflix a lot this past week. Crunch: Boot Camp Training was a little hokey (nothing like being called a recruit!) and I definitely needed heavier hand weights than I had, but the next day man were my legs and butt sore! I'm going to continue the trend and try more new video's this week, however I think I'm going to run out of new stuff to stream soon unfortunately.

The good news is that, dispite my frustration and getting my butt kicked by my workout buddies, I am loosing weight. Woo Hoo!

Dojo Mentality

The other day I found a picture of me at the dojo I went to for years. The picture was taken after a belt test for another student, and we're all posed for the camera. The picture wasn't taken too long ago, maybe five or six years ago, so I know it was taken during a tumultuous time in my life. In the picture, I'm smiling, a big genuine smile. I look happy, and I know, beyond doubt, that I was happy when that picture was taken. Oh sure, I may not have been happy half an hour later when I stepped outside, but inside the dojo was always different.

I have always been able to push myself harder at the dojo than during any other activity. My personal limits were always there to be pushed, broken, and respectfully ignored. I was always a work in progress inside the dojo, and yet at the same time, more fully a whole person.

I have never been more at peace then in those moments meditating after a hard class, when my body was too tired to be a distraction.

We used to joke that only Martial Artists can understand Martial Artists. You have to be a special kind of crazy to enjoy a sparring class, or to obsessively practice kata. I'm not entirely sure that's true anymore. I think the same kind of crazy applies to most athletes. That ability to take the pain, put in the hours, and give yourself to the pursuit of just getting better at it.

I miss that focus. I miss that wholeness. I miss that drive to push my limits. My mind has been circling around this for the past few days, since I found the picture. I've been thinking about why the dojo was always a special place to me, what about it made me push so hard, and why I have been unable to find that mental space outside the dojo.

I need to find a way to incorporate my "dojo mentality" into the rest of my fitness routine, a way to make it all training.

Struggling with calories

One of my many battles with food revolves around caloric intake. The science of dieting boils down to a simple truth of input vs. output. In you burn more than you eat, you loose weight. Now inside that equation is a lot of math I don't understand. Variables based on metabolism and resting heart rates. Good foods and bad foods. Fast burning nutrients and ones that are easy to store. But on the surface it's simple. Eat less, Workout more, loose weight.

The problem for me is keeping that balance. I'm hungry and I want to eat. I like food. But for me to loose weight I need to keep my caloric intake under 1,300 calories. And exercise on a regular basis.

Most days I want to cry and scream that it's not fair. Especially when reading success stories that include phrases like "All I did was cut out soda" or "I switched to whole grains and lost 10 lbs". What about me? I already eat whole grains, and only drink diet sodas. I eat lots of veggies and not a lot of meat. If I put too much dressing on my salad it blows out my total for the day.

Eating sensibly seems like it should be enough. It should be enough to not eat junk, and to only eat when you're hungry. Today I am frustrated and hungry, and trying very hard to power through today. I want a grilled cheese sandwich and a side of mashed potatoes.

Stupid metabolism.

A Good Start

Wow, this week is already off to a better start than last week! After doing some yoga around lunch time I was tired and had to pull on some of my new support system to motivate me to go to the gym.

Man was I glad I did! I had one of those runs where you feel like you can run forever. I was just cruising at my normal 5.0 pace, listening to some good music, and didn't want to stop. I was actually mildly upset that I had to stop. Stupid 30 minute limit. After my two minute warm up, I had to stop after only 23 minutes of running to give myself a 5 minute cool down.

Today I'm tired and sore. I'm looking forward to my daily yoga session to try to stretch out some of the kinks. I'm hoping to do yoga every day this week, to balance out the running and prevent the shin-splint like injuries I've had in the past.

I went over my calorie allotment yesterday slightly, but not too badly (I had some mandarin oranges that I shouldn't have.) Hopefully I'll make up for it over the rest of the week.

Finally, I started reading PastaQueen's book Half Assed. It's been on my list for a while, and I finally got a copy for Christmas this year. If you read her blog at all, the tone of the book is exactly what you expect, She's had me laughing even when I'm cringing at some of the stories. I'm loving it so far!