Thursday, June 26, 2008
Motivation via Cheerleaders
And no, I don't mean having a personal cheerleader (although that would be awesome). No, today, while I was doing my strength training set I was standing near a window at my gym which happens to look out over Wall Street right in front of the NYSE. There were Cameras everywhere, Lights, stages, people all dressed up in fancy suits talking to the aforementioned cameras, and the Nets Cheerleaders posing in/on/around a car. Yes, directly in my tired, sweaty, frustrated line of sight was a cadre of robotic-aly perfect shining examples of *who I'm supposed to be
*sigh*
Anyways, today I was tired again, in that "idontwannagotothegym, youcantmakeme" kind of way. But I went anyways. I got on the elliptical and that same competitiveness that used to keep me getting my butt kicked at karate kicked in again and I kept my speed up and matched my 29 1/2 minute time for the 3 mile mark. Woo! I did a different set of strength moves today, my triceps are killing me from all the work I've been doing so I tried to give them an easy day. Instead of doing the full arm workout, halfway through it I switched to doing some exercises from another FitSugar plan, doing side lunges, reverse lunges bicycle crunches (which by the way, hurt, in a good way) and I did my standard "Sensei Mark Special" crunches.
I actually got a full fifteen minutes of stretching in before my S.O. showed up for the second half of my cardio. At this point (due in part to the shiny perfectness of the damned cheerleaders) I was feeling defeatist, and exhausted. So I decided I was going to take a different tact on this stint on the elliptical. Instead of keeping the resistance (relatively) low and going for speed, I switched it up and put the resistance (again relatively) way up to 15 and just tried to keep a respectable pace. I had to drop the resistance at a couple points down to 13 as my legs started burning from the unaccustomed work, but as soon as my legs recovered I'd push it back up to 15. And somehow I managed to do close to 2 1/2 miles in the 30 minutes. Which tells me I can run faster than I've been, and should push myself next time to see how fast I *can* go.
All in all not a bad workout. Even if I didn't want to go ^_^
-Meg
*sigh*
Anyways, today I was tired again, in that "idontwannagotothegym, youcantmakeme" kind of way. But I went anyways. I got on the elliptical and that same competitiveness that used to keep me getting my butt kicked at karate kicked in again and I kept my speed up and matched my 29 1/2 minute time for the 3 mile mark. Woo! I did a different set of strength moves today, my triceps are killing me from all the work I've been doing so I tried to give them an easy day. Instead of doing the full arm workout, halfway through it I switched to doing some exercises from another FitSugar plan, doing side lunges, reverse lunges bicycle crunches (which by the way, hurt, in a good way) and I did my standard "Sensei Mark Special" crunches.
I actually got a full fifteen minutes of stretching in before my S.O. showed up for the second half of my cardio. At this point (due in part to the shiny perfectness of the damned cheerleaders) I was feeling defeatist, and exhausted. So I decided I was going to take a different tact on this stint on the elliptical. Instead of keeping the resistance (relatively) low and going for speed, I switched it up and put the resistance (again relatively) way up to 15 and just tried to keep a respectable pace. I had to drop the resistance at a couple points down to 13 as my legs started burning from the unaccustomed work, but as soon as my legs recovered I'd push it back up to 15. And somehow I managed to do close to 2 1/2 miles in the 30 minutes. Which tells me I can run faster than I've been, and should push myself next time to see how fast I *can* go.
All in all not a bad workout. Even if I didn't want to go ^_^
-Meg
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Free Day
Today I called a sanity check and decided to take a "free day". This was mostly due to the fact that I had zero motivation to get myself to the gym, and it was BEAUTIFUL outside.
So I did my push ups for the Hundred Push up Challenge, I had just enough room to do them in my room if I pushed one of the boxes out of the way. I finished off with a set of 20 for my max set, but I'm definitely starting to feel it towards the end of the set. Add in that my triceps are still aching from the extra arm work I did on Monday and I was not very keen on doing any more arm work today.
So instead of going to the gym, I went to the park. I got myself a bowl of mixed fruit for breakfast and sat in Battery Park in the shade looking out across the water towards the Statue of Liberty. I sat in the sun dappled shade knitting and eating my fruit, watching the tourists and listening to the wind in the trees.
It was the first time in a while that I haven't been rushing off to get something accomplished. I just sat and relaxed.
When the S.O. got out of work we walked from Wall street up to Union Square, which is about 3 miles I guess. It took us about an hour. We sat around in the park and enjoyed the good weather until I had to go to work.
So I got a little exercise (the walk and the push ups) and we're going to go to the gym tomorrow on what would normally be an off day. More importantly, I restored a little of my sanity today.
-Meg
So I did my push ups for the Hundred Push up Challenge, I had just enough room to do them in my room if I pushed one of the boxes out of the way. I finished off with a set of 20 for my max set, but I'm definitely starting to feel it towards the end of the set. Add in that my triceps are still aching from the extra arm work I did on Monday and I was not very keen on doing any more arm work today.
So instead of going to the gym, I went to the park. I got myself a bowl of mixed fruit for breakfast and sat in Battery Park in the shade looking out across the water towards the Statue of Liberty. I sat in the sun dappled shade knitting and eating my fruit, watching the tourists and listening to the wind in the trees.
It was the first time in a while that I haven't been rushing off to get something accomplished. I just sat and relaxed.
When the S.O. got out of work we walked from Wall street up to Union Square, which is about 3 miles I guess. It took us about an hour. We sat around in the park and enjoyed the good weather until I had to go to work.
So I got a little exercise (the walk and the push ups) and we're going to go to the gym tomorrow on what would normally be an off day. More importantly, I restored a little of my sanity today.
-Meg
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Why dresses are evil.
Or more specifically, why dress *shopping* is evil. I am convinced that dress stores do everything in their power to make you hate yourself.
This weekend I was attempting to find a *nice* but not *too dressy* dress for my S.O.'s reunion, which we are attending this upcoming weekend. Now, I realize I'm not working with the highest quality stores here, I live in NYC, and I'm not rich, so my options are limited and well picked over. But four stores, about twenty dresses, and three hours of absolute self debasement later, i have a dress which is "o.k." (read as "wearing it doesn't make me want to immediately forgo food for the rest of my natural life")
Of course I was conspired against by my own body as well. My S.O. had been really sick this past week, and I managed to catch a minor version of what he had, enough that we played hooky from boxing this week. Add in that I had eaten bad tasty greasy food all weekend, and my digestive tract was not happy with me, so I was bloated. In the long run this is most likely a good thing, as the dress will fit me better than it did in the dressing room (with its evil florescent lighting and unflattering mirror.)
My S.O. was incredibly supportive during this 2 hour long odyssey to find me a suitable garment. Even venturing me to that most hated of places - DSW- in search of shoes to accompany the dress.
Well after an entire day of learning how much I dislike clothes shopping, and how much it negatively affects my self image, the next day was a gym day!
...And there are no free elliptical machines. Defeat? NEVER! My S.O. gently prodded me to do some strength training while we waited for some machines to free up. So I dropped and did my push ups and as much of that arm workout from fitsugar as I could manage.
Then we headed back to the cardio room. And there were free machines! But they were a type I had never seen before! They had the elliptical feet thinggies, and the moving arm thinggies, and a *built in fan*! I was definitely digging the personal fan by the end of my workout. However, I usually don't use the machines with the moving arms because I feel constantly off balance on them. My other not so happy point about this new machine was that I felt awful bouncy on it. I also did not go as far or as fast as I normally do, but did keep my heart rate up where it normally is. So I'm counting that as a normal workout on a not so normal machine.
Today, I am sore. The good kind of sore that means I pushed my muscles. My upper abs are sore and my triceps are sore. This is a very good thing.
Also, I want you all to know that it makes me insanely happy when I get comments. I grin like an idiot and squee like a fan girl. So than you for reading and commenting, you all make my day ^_^
-Meg
This weekend I was attempting to find a *nice* but not *too dressy* dress for my S.O.'s reunion, which we are attending this upcoming weekend. Now, I realize I'm not working with the highest quality stores here, I live in NYC, and I'm not rich, so my options are limited and well picked over. But four stores, about twenty dresses, and three hours of absolute self debasement later, i have a dress which is "o.k." (read as "wearing it doesn't make me want to immediately forgo food for the rest of my natural life")
Of course I was conspired against by my own body as well. My S.O. had been really sick this past week, and I managed to catch a minor version of what he had, enough that we played hooky from boxing this week. Add in that I had eaten bad tasty greasy food all weekend, and my digestive tract was not happy with me, so I was bloated. In the long run this is most likely a good thing, as the dress will fit me better than it did in the dressing room (with its evil florescent lighting and unflattering mirror.)
My S.O. was incredibly supportive during this 2 hour long odyssey to find me a suitable garment. Even venturing me to that most hated of places - DSW- in search of shoes to accompany the dress.
Well after an entire day of learning how much I dislike clothes shopping, and how much it negatively affects my self image, the next day was a gym day!
...And there are no free elliptical machines. Defeat? NEVER! My S.O. gently prodded me to do some strength training while we waited for some machines to free up. So I dropped and did my push ups and as much of that arm workout from fitsugar as I could manage.
Then we headed back to the cardio room. And there were free machines! But they were a type I had never seen before! They had the elliptical feet thinggies, and the moving arm thinggies, and a *built in fan*! I was definitely digging the personal fan by the end of my workout. However, I usually don't use the machines with the moving arms because I feel constantly off balance on them. My other not so happy point about this new machine was that I felt awful bouncy on it. I also did not go as far or as fast as I normally do, but did keep my heart rate up where it normally is. So I'm counting that as a normal workout on a not so normal machine.
Today, I am sore. The good kind of sore that means I pushed my muscles. My upper abs are sore and my triceps are sore. This is a very good thing.
Also, I want you all to know that it makes me insanely happy when I get comments. I grin like an idiot and squee like a fan girl. So than you for reading and commenting, you all make my day ^_^
-Meg
Monday, June 23, 2008
Week Two - Go!
I finished out week one of the hundred push up challenge on Saturday in the hallway of the S.O.'s apartment. Did the set no problem and finished off with 20 for my max set. I was feeling a little underchallenged so I looked up arm work on Fit Sugar and grabbed this little plan.
I implemented the new plan today, did my hundred pushup challenge work, and actually started to feel it a little by the end. I could only do about 15 for my max set. I only did about half the exercises on the fitsugar plan, so there's that.
I'll go over the rest of it tomorrow when I've got more time at the computer.
-Meg
I implemented the new plan today, did my hundred pushup challenge work, and actually started to feel it a little by the end. I could only do about 15 for my max set. I only did about half the exercises on the fitsugar plan, so there's that.
I'll go over the rest of it tomorrow when I've got more time at the computer.
-Meg
Friday, June 20, 2008
Day Off from the gym
These are my new diet savior. Yes, I know they're not healthy, and yes I know there are LOADS of weird chemicals in them, but for 100 calories they satiate my desire for chocolate *and* candy!
Today was a day "off" from the gym. We walked from Wall street to Union Square which is what we normally do on "off" days. Got a *very* tasty but unhealthy lunch at a diner - Grilled Cheese with tomato and a side of garlic mashed potatoes. Then we sat around the park watching incredibly adorable children running around.
My knees are aching today, which is not a good thing, but considering how much use they've gotten lately, it's understandable. I plan on resting them tonight and tomorrow to make sure they're ready for Sunday. I may have roped a new friend into joining the tortu-*ahem*-Boxing classes on Sunday. And check it, she even has her own blog!
So, in relation to my knees, does anyone know a good stretch for the muscle directly above your kneecap? not a quad stretch...it's not those that hurt, it's this little tiny muscle that is *right* above my knee cap...any ideas?
-Meg
Today was a day "off" from the gym. We walked from Wall street to Union Square which is what we normally do on "off" days. Got a *very* tasty but unhealthy lunch at a diner - Grilled Cheese with tomato and a side of garlic mashed potatoes. Then we sat around the park watching incredibly adorable children running around.
My knees are aching today, which is not a good thing, but considering how much use they've gotten lately, it's understandable. I plan on resting them tonight and tomorrow to make sure they're ready for Sunday. I may have roped a new friend into joining the tortu-*ahem*-Boxing classes on Sunday. And check it, she even has her own blog!
So, in relation to my knees, does anyone know a good stretch for the muscle directly above your kneecap? not a quad stretch...it's not those that hurt, it's this little tiny muscle that is *right* above my knee cap...any ideas?
-Meg
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Just a little bit of Orange
I did the second day of the Hundred push up challenge today. I bumped myself up into the highest column after feeling last time was too easy. It was definitely harder, but still well within my comfort range. At the end, where you go to your max, I did 20.
I'm a little disappointed in myself, mostly because I got crunched for time and the push ups and sit ups were all I did strength wise today, and I honestly did not feel that the push ups were enough. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune in a few weeks, but for now I'm going to try to add some free weights back in somehow...maybe cut my cardio by five or ten minutes, since I've been awful about getting to the gym earlier.
Cardio wise I did awesome today though. I did three miles in 29 minutes on the elliptical, which made my total distance at 30 minutes 3.13 miles. I pushed myself hard, doing my standard intervals, but trying for a faster time. It was great to realize that I had shaved a whole minute off the 3 mile mark without easing up on the intervals. I took a different approach on the second 30 minutes, and upped the resistance to 8 (I normally have it at 5) and just tried to keep a respectable pace. After a while I upped the resistance to 10 and alternated it between 8 and 10 every couple of minutes.
Me and the S.O. headed to Starbucks afterwards where I consumed a very unhealthy breakfast of a Iced Skinny Vanilla Latte and half a cookie - calorie count of around 300. The S.O. mentioned that he felt he was starting to gain a little weight due to an increased appetite from all the exercise. I pointed out that it's most likely because he's gaining muscle, but he said he wants to go on a diet. This will be much easier once we live in the same place (we move in on the 15th) and can stock and cook a tad more healthy food. I really think it's just a matter of eating healthy vs. eating less.
This conversation kind of bummed me out though, and I wasn't feeling all that happy when I stepped on the train to head to work, all those dark worry thoughts about my weight were swirling around in my head.
I sat down and looked up and saw four Buddhist monks.
They were smiling and chatting with all the other passengers near them and just generally radiating goodwill. Three of them were visiting the NYC temple from other cities/countries, and the youngest Monk was apparently their "local guide." I put quotes around that because he wasn't exactly a local, it didn't seem like he'd been here for long.
It was a wonderful reminder that I need to pay more attention to the now, and less to the later. That I need to focus more on the journey, and enjoy how it makes me feel to be living healthier. It was amazing how much it cheered me up just to see them. As soon as I saw the orange robes I felt better, calmer, happier, like I had been gently reminded that life is not really bad.
It was also a gentle reminder, I think, that I need to add more meditative practice back into my life. All this focus on weight loss has left my routine lacking in anything contemplative. I miss the practice we used to have at karate of meditating before and after class. I need to find a way to work either that or some Yoga back into my day.
Monks make me Happy.
-Meg
I'm a little disappointed in myself, mostly because I got crunched for time and the push ups and sit ups were all I did strength wise today, and I honestly did not feel that the push ups were enough. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune in a few weeks, but for now I'm going to try to add some free weights back in somehow...maybe cut my cardio by five or ten minutes, since I've been awful about getting to the gym earlier.
Cardio wise I did awesome today though. I did three miles in 29 minutes on the elliptical, which made my total distance at 30 minutes 3.13 miles. I pushed myself hard, doing my standard intervals, but trying for a faster time. It was great to realize that I had shaved a whole minute off the 3 mile mark without easing up on the intervals. I took a different approach on the second 30 minutes, and upped the resistance to 8 (I normally have it at 5) and just tried to keep a respectable pace. After a while I upped the resistance to 10 and alternated it between 8 and 10 every couple of minutes.
Me and the S.O. headed to Starbucks afterwards where I consumed a very unhealthy breakfast of a Iced Skinny Vanilla Latte and half a cookie - calorie count of around 300. The S.O. mentioned that he felt he was starting to gain a little weight due to an increased appetite from all the exercise. I pointed out that it's most likely because he's gaining muscle, but he said he wants to go on a diet. This will be much easier once we live in the same place (we move in on the 15th) and can stock and cook a tad more healthy food. I really think it's just a matter of eating healthy vs. eating less.
This conversation kind of bummed me out though, and I wasn't feeling all that happy when I stepped on the train to head to work, all those dark worry thoughts about my weight were swirling around in my head.
I sat down and looked up and saw four Buddhist monks.
They were smiling and chatting with all the other passengers near them and just generally radiating goodwill. Three of them were visiting the NYC temple from other cities/countries, and the youngest Monk was apparently their "local guide." I put quotes around that because he wasn't exactly a local, it didn't seem like he'd been here for long.
It was a wonderful reminder that I need to pay more attention to the now, and less to the later. That I need to focus more on the journey, and enjoy how it makes me feel to be living healthier. It was amazing how much it cheered me up just to see them. As soon as I saw the orange robes I felt better, calmer, happier, like I had been gently reminded that life is not really bad.
It was also a gentle reminder, I think, that I need to add more meditative practice back into my life. All this focus on weight loss has left my routine lacking in anything contemplative. I miss the practice we used to have at karate of meditating before and after class. I need to find a way to work either that or some Yoga back into my day.
Monks make me Happy.
-Meg
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Heh, I posted too soon ^_^
I just went back over my earlier posts and realized that I had comments! ^_^ This made me insanely happy.
Thank you both for reading and commenting, it really brightened up my day!
Thank you both for reading and commenting, it really brightened up my day!
Ugh.
The numbers on the scale are depressing. 159 lbs 32.7% bf. I don't understand it. It's like running as fast as you can and then realizing you haven't gotten anywhere.
I know plateaus happen, but it's really frustrating that I havn't been able to loose any weight in over a month. I loose a little, and then I gain it back. And it's not muscle weight cause that Body Fat % number isn't budging either.
The only thing I can think is that I have to go back on a more restrictive diet. I don't eat *horribly* right now, but I don't eat super well either. Like today, I was really bad. I had grilled cheese and French fries, a huge buttermilk biscuit and I'm halfway through a bowl of tomato basil soup from whole foods. I suppose if I don't eat anything else tonight I'll be ok.
*sigh* Yeah, that's the only option at this point...I hate dieting, it makes me cranky and irritable and I end up craving food all the time. But with my weight loss stalled, I have to face the possibility that I'm going to have to go back on a diet for the long term.
I know plateaus happen, but it's really frustrating that I havn't been able to loose any weight in over a month. I loose a little, and then I gain it back. And it's not muscle weight cause that Body Fat % number isn't budging either.
The only thing I can think is that I have to go back on a more restrictive diet. I don't eat *horribly* right now, but I don't eat super well either. Like today, I was really bad. I had grilled cheese and French fries, a huge buttermilk biscuit and I'm halfway through a bowl of tomato basil soup from whole foods. I suppose if I don't eat anything else tonight I'll be ok.
*sigh* Yeah, that's the only option at this point...I hate dieting, it makes me cranky and irritable and I end up craving food all the time. But with my weight loss stalled, I have to face the possibility that I'm going to have to go back on a diet for the long term.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Keep pushin it!
Big News first: Today was day one of my version of the Hundred push up challenge. I had tested myself on Sunday to see how many push ups I could do, with good form, in a row. I topped out at 10, so that's the column i put myself into. I must have been really tired on Sunday or something because today when I did the challenge set, it was way too easy, and for the last set when it says "do your max" I did 15. So I'm bumping myself into the higher column for the next set on Thursday.
We went to boxing on sunday, which was an accomplishment in itself, seeing how exhausted I was when we woke up to go. I tried to push myself as hard as I could, and I think I did pretty well, which means I must be getting stronger, since I was so much better off after class than I had been the first time we went. My hands still shook a little when I held them out, but that went away after a couple hours, and by Monday the only thing that was still sore was that spot between my shoulder blades that always used to bother me when I was doing Karate.
I did my weigh in on Monday and saw 159 lbs and then forgot entirely to record the body fat % because I was so bummed by the number. I'll get another number on Wednesday and make sure I record the *important* number (the bf%)
I know with all the strength training I'm doing, that lb number is gonna stop going down due to muscle gain, but man it's hard to face that when it's the numbers on the scale staring at you. I think I'm going to do three weigh-ins a week (m,w,f) to chart how my weight fluctuates during the week.
Here's hoping that Wednesdays number is inspiring!
-Meg
We went to boxing on sunday, which was an accomplishment in itself, seeing how exhausted I was when we woke up to go. I tried to push myself as hard as I could, and I think I did pretty well, which means I must be getting stronger, since I was so much better off after class than I had been the first time we went. My hands still shook a little when I held them out, but that went away after a couple hours, and by Monday the only thing that was still sore was that spot between my shoulder blades that always used to bother me when I was doing Karate.
I did my weigh in on Monday and saw 159 lbs and then forgot entirely to record the body fat % because I was so bummed by the number. I'll get another number on Wednesday and make sure I record the *important* number (the bf%)
I know with all the strength training I'm doing, that lb number is gonna stop going down due to muscle gain, but man it's hard to face that when it's the numbers on the scale staring at you. I think I'm going to do three weigh-ins a week (m,w,f) to chart how my weight fluctuates during the week.
Here's hoping that Wednesdays number is inspiring!
-Meg
Friday, June 13, 2008
One *Hundred* Push-ups
The rollercoster of fitness emotion
Today was a rough day at the gym. I only got about five hours of sleep last night, so just dragging my sorry carcass to the gym was difficult enough. I had to go earlier than I usually do since my s.o. gets out early on Fridays for summer, and since he's my workout partner, he was meeting me at the gym at 3 instead of 5. So I'm down two hits already, it's early and I'm tired.
An aside, I work nights, my work schedule is T-F 7pm - 5am. So 3pm is early for me, really early.
Then, there are none of the type of eliptical machines that I like to use available. Yeah I know, whine whine whine, but *old* me would use that as an excuse to turn around and go home. Luckily I couldn't leave as I had a "workout buddy" to not let down. So I got on one of the types I don't particularly like, and remembered why I don't like them. I felt like I was working just as hard as normal, and my heart rate confirmed it, but my speed was way slow. But I slogged through the workout, focusing on just keeping my heart rate at the usual level and doing sprints for the last minute of each set of ten minutes (by sprinting I mean I turn the resistance up and go as fast as I can for a minute) and managed to get a close-to-decent workout in. Strength training was a practical bust, but seeing as it's my third session this week, I wasn't about to beat myself up about it. I just did what I could and pushed myself when I could (like the bicep curls) and then gave myself permission to end the workout with a few machines left out.
After a quick stop at starbucks for a "IcedSkinnyVanillaLate" (yes you must say it like that or they will make you repeat yourself) we walked up Broadway (starting at Wall street) until I got too hungry (I hadn't had time for breakfast before I left the house) and we detoured to Whole Foods on Houston to get sushi from their sushi bar.
Tasty sushi......
Anyways, we ended up walking the rest of the way up to Union Square and then sat down in the park for a bit where we ended up talking about my weight loss.
This is not a good thing for us to talk about.
My renewed commitment to the gym started because my s.o. told me I was gaining too much weight and it was affecting our relationship. The problem is, his idea of where I should be is where I was when we started dating. Which was around 130lbs with the ability to fit into his 23" Jeans.
At the height of my weight I was getting close to 180lbs, wearing a size 14, and yes I knew I was fat and yes I knew I needed to loose weight. Having my boyfriend tell me I was fat sent me into panic mode. I subscribed to this "transitions(tm) lifestyle plan" with some friends which started with a "detox" diet. For a week I ate only egg whites, vegetables, and fruit. I cut my calories back drastically. I started working out. And I started loosing weight.
For a while I was loosing a respectable 2lbs a week, and then around 160lbs it stopped. I was still working out, I was still watching what I ate (although I was eating more than I was at first) but no weight loss. No body fat percentage loss. Just nothing. Out of desperation I pushed for my s.o. to come with me to a Sunday morning non-contact boxing class at a nearby gym. I got up at 11am on a Sunday to go to a 12:30 Boxing class, and pushed myself to the point where I could barely lift my arms afterwards. It was beautiful. I'm going again this Sunday (we skipped last week due to birthday party induced hangover.)
I've started loosing weight again. I'm down to 157/158 depending on when I weigh myself, and my body fat is down a few more percentage points to 32.6% (ish I'll get a hard number up on here when I do my *official weekly number* on Monday.) But I have absolutely no faith in my ability to maintain this rate of weight loss.
In fact, while the number say it, and my clothing size confirms it (I'm down to a size 10 jeans) when I look in the mirror I don't see any weight loss. I don't look any different. I still have a fat belly and saggy arms and huge thighs. And I know when my s.o. looks at me he sees these things and he's just patiently waiting to get his "hot girlfriend" back.
Our conversation this afternoon highlighted that to me. I was expressing my doubt about my ability to attain my "goal weight" of 135lbs. He said "Well you said before it would take you a year to get there, now you say you don't know if you can? what the hell?" When I responded that I just have no faith in my ability to continue my weight loss, he said "You just do it, or don't do it. It's not that hard."
I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to curl up in a little ball and hide with a giant dove chocolate bar and a bacon cheeseburger. I wanted to give up.
I don't know if I can every make him understand what a battle this is for me. How closely I have to monitor everything I eat and how obsessively I have to exercise. I can't just "coast" through a workout because that dosn't burn enough calories. And the more weight I loose, the harder I have to work to maintain that same speed of weight loss.
*sigh*
Like I said, today was a rough day, and I *just* got settled in at work.
-Meg
An aside, I work nights, my work schedule is T-F 7pm - 5am. So 3pm is early for me, really early.
Then, there are none of the type of eliptical machines that I like to use available. Yeah I know, whine whine whine, but *old* me would use that as an excuse to turn around and go home. Luckily I couldn't leave as I had a "workout buddy" to not let down. So I got on one of the types I don't particularly like, and remembered why I don't like them. I felt like I was working just as hard as normal, and my heart rate confirmed it, but my speed was way slow. But I slogged through the workout, focusing on just keeping my heart rate at the usual level and doing sprints for the last minute of each set of ten minutes (by sprinting I mean I turn the resistance up and go as fast as I can for a minute) and managed to get a close-to-decent workout in. Strength training was a practical bust, but seeing as it's my third session this week, I wasn't about to beat myself up about it. I just did what I could and pushed myself when I could (like the bicep curls) and then gave myself permission to end the workout with a few machines left out.
After a quick stop at starbucks for a "IcedSkinnyVanillaLate" (yes you must say it like that or they will make you repeat yourself) we walked up Broadway (starting at Wall street) until I got too hungry (I hadn't had time for breakfast before I left the house) and we detoured to Whole Foods on Houston to get sushi from their sushi bar.
Tasty sushi......
Anyways, we ended up walking the rest of the way up to Union Square and then sat down in the park for a bit where we ended up talking about my weight loss.
This is not a good thing for us to talk about.
My renewed commitment to the gym started because my s.o. told me I was gaining too much weight and it was affecting our relationship. The problem is, his idea of where I should be is where I was when we started dating. Which was around 130lbs with the ability to fit into his 23" Jeans.
At the height of my weight I was getting close to 180lbs, wearing a size 14, and yes I knew I was fat and yes I knew I needed to loose weight. Having my boyfriend tell me I was fat sent me into panic mode. I subscribed to this "transitions(tm) lifestyle plan" with some friends which started with a "detox" diet. For a week I ate only egg whites, vegetables, and fruit. I cut my calories back drastically. I started working out. And I started loosing weight.
For a while I was loosing a respectable 2lbs a week, and then around 160lbs it stopped. I was still working out, I was still watching what I ate (although I was eating more than I was at first) but no weight loss. No body fat percentage loss. Just nothing. Out of desperation I pushed for my s.o. to come with me to a Sunday morning non-contact boxing class at a nearby gym. I got up at 11am on a Sunday to go to a 12:30 Boxing class, and pushed myself to the point where I could barely lift my arms afterwards. It was beautiful. I'm going again this Sunday (we skipped last week due to birthday party induced hangover.)
I've started loosing weight again. I'm down to 157/158 depending on when I weigh myself, and my body fat is down a few more percentage points to 32.6% (ish I'll get a hard number up on here when I do my *official weekly number* on Monday.) But I have absolutely no faith in my ability to maintain this rate of weight loss.
In fact, while the number say it, and my clothing size confirms it (I'm down to a size 10 jeans) when I look in the mirror I don't see any weight loss. I don't look any different. I still have a fat belly and saggy arms and huge thighs. And I know when my s.o. looks at me he sees these things and he's just patiently waiting to get his "hot girlfriend" back.
Our conversation this afternoon highlighted that to me. I was expressing my doubt about my ability to attain my "goal weight" of 135lbs. He said "Well you said before it would take you a year to get there, now you say you don't know if you can? what the hell?" When I responded that I just have no faith in my ability to continue my weight loss, he said "You just do it, or don't do it. It's not that hard."
I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to curl up in a little ball and hide with a giant dove chocolate bar and a bacon cheeseburger. I wanted to give up.
I don't know if I can every make him understand what a battle this is for me. How closely I have to monitor everything I eat and how obsessively I have to exercise. I can't just "coast" through a workout because that dosn't burn enough calories. And the more weight I loose, the harder I have to work to maintain that same speed of weight loss.
*sigh*
Like I said, today was a rough day, and I *just* got settled in at work.
-Meg
Thursday, June 12, 2008
New Blog
So I've decided to make the jump into "Big Girl" blogging. Here it is, out in the open. The title of this blog is a play off a few things, basically summing up the feelings I have about what I want to cover here, which is everything.
My life is "morphing" constantly, and so is my body as I try to get more "fit" so...MorFit" get it? ^_~ cheesy I know, but that's something you'll have to get used to.
As this is an introductory post, I suppose I should introduce myself to those of you who arn't coming from already knowing me. Hi, my name is Meg. I just turned 30 this year. I live in New York City (Brooklyn to be exact), and I work in the Graphic Design field. I am an artist, comic artist, illustrator, fitness nut, and food junkie. I am currently attempting to loose weight to get back to a *healthy* point. I am also trying to make enough time in my day to draw on a consistent basis.
In the future, I will put tags on posts to indicate the general topic of conversation for each post.
And away we go...
Meg
My life is "morphing" constantly, and so is my body as I try to get more "fit" so...MorFit" get it? ^_~ cheesy I know, but that's something you'll have to get used to.
As this is an introductory post, I suppose I should introduce myself to those of you who arn't coming from already knowing me. Hi, my name is Meg. I just turned 30 this year. I live in New York City (Brooklyn to be exact), and I work in the Graphic Design field. I am an artist, comic artist, illustrator, fitness nut, and food junkie. I am currently attempting to loose weight to get back to a *healthy* point. I am also trying to make enough time in my day to draw on a consistent basis.
In the future, I will put tags on posts to indicate the general topic of conversation for each post.
And away we go...
Meg
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