The Diet Dilema

How does one "Diet" healthfully?

I am trying to "Diet" in conjunction with my exercise with the goal of loosing weight and trimming down my clothing size. The only way that I've ever known how to "Diet" is to count Calories and Fat. I have no idea what a healthy number for either of these is...I've always just tried to eat as few of both as possible when I diet, which is most likely not a good idea.

What is a girl to do when everything that "works" for people isn't healthy? In my head when I'm reading posts from people who are recovering from eating disorders, part of my brain is berating me for not having the willpower to do that. That yeah it might not be healthy, but it'll get you there, you can always start eating healthy once you loose the weight.

When I count the calories I eat on a normal day of "healthy" eating, the number shocks me. And I'm not talking a ton of food here, I'm talking small meals with maybe one or two healthy snacks. And yet somehow those numbers are always huge.

This is Day three of keeping a food journal and I'm already wanting to quit.
Yesterdays totals (Wednesday July 30th): Calories- 1412 Fat-31.9 Carbs-161.5 Protein-38.6

Exercise today was walking the two point something miles from Battery Park to Union Square. I really need to start hitting the gym more.
-Meg

Overtime week

No, not in a good way. Not in a fitness way.

This week I'm doing an extra shift at work. So I'll be doing a 50 hour work week this week. Because I'm not willing to give up any of my other after school activities (drawing group on Mondays, relaxing and stuff on weekends) that means that my workout time is seriously crunched. I did not go to the gym today. I did not do my pushups today.

I will go tomorrow and start week 5 of the Challenge tomorrow..

Again, I'm seeing my numbers decreasing, inexplicably (seeing how little exercise I've been getting and how horribly I've been eating) and yet I'm still feeling increasingly bloated. I wonder if I'm filling up with air...

More tomorrow.
-Meg

Ugh.

The numbers on the scale are depressing. 159 lbs 32.7% bf. I don't understand it. It's like running as fast as you can and then realizing you haven't gotten anywhere.

I know plateaus happen, but it's really frustrating that I havn't been able to loose any weight in over a month. I loose a little, and then I gain it back. And it's not muscle weight cause that Body Fat % number isn't budging either.

The only thing I can think is that I have to go back on a more restrictive diet. I don't eat *horribly* right now, but I don't eat super well either. Like today, I was really bad. I had grilled cheese and French fries, a huge buttermilk biscuit and I'm halfway through a bowl of tomato basil soup from whole foods. I suppose if I don't eat anything else tonight I'll be ok.

*sigh* Yeah, that's the only option at this point...I hate dieting, it makes me cranky and irritable and I end up craving food all the time. But with my weight loss stalled, I have to face the possibility that I'm going to have to go back on a diet for the long term.

Keep pushin it!

Big News first: Today was day one of my version of the Hundred push up challenge. I had tested myself on Sunday to see how many push ups I could do, with good form, in a row. I topped out at 10, so that's the column i put myself into. I must have been really tired on Sunday or something because today when I did the challenge set, it was way too easy, and for the last set when it says "do your max" I did 15. So I'm bumping myself into the higher column for the next set on Thursday.

We went to boxing on sunday, which was an accomplishment in itself, seeing how exhausted I was when we woke up to go. I tried to push myself as hard as I could, and I think I did pretty well, which means I must be getting stronger, since I was so much better off after class than I had been the first time we went. My hands still shook a little when I held them out, but that went away after a couple hours, and by Monday the only thing that was still sore was that spot between my shoulder blades that always used to bother me when I was doing Karate.

I did my weigh in on Monday and saw 159 lbs and then forgot entirely to record the body fat % because I was so bummed by the number. I'll get another number on Wednesday and make sure I record the *important* number (the bf%)

I know with all the strength training I'm doing, that lb number is gonna stop going down due to muscle gain, but man it's hard to face that when it's the numbers on the scale staring at you. I think I'm going to do three weigh-ins a week (m,w,f) to chart how my weight fluctuates during the week.

Here's hoping that Wednesdays number is inspiring!
-Meg

The rollercoster of fitness emotion

Today was a rough day at the gym. I only got about five hours of sleep last night, so just dragging my sorry carcass to the gym was difficult enough. I had to go earlier than I usually do since my s.o. gets out early on Fridays for summer, and since he's my workout partner, he was meeting me at the gym at 3 instead of 5. So I'm down two hits already, it's early and I'm tired.

An aside, I work nights, my work schedule is T-F 7pm - 5am. So 3pm is early for me, really early.

Then, there are none of the type of eliptical machines that I like to use available. Yeah I know, whine whine whine, but *old* me would use that as an excuse to turn around and go home. Luckily I couldn't leave as I had a "workout buddy" to not let down. So I got on one of the types I don't particularly like, and remembered why I don't like them. I felt like I was working just as hard as normal, and my heart rate confirmed it, but my speed was way slow. But I slogged through the workout, focusing on just keeping my heart rate at the usual level and doing sprints for the last minute of each set of ten minutes (by sprinting I mean I turn the resistance up and go as fast as I can for a minute) and managed to get a close-to-decent workout in. Strength training was a practical bust, but seeing as it's my third session this week, I wasn't about to beat myself up about it. I just did what I could and pushed myself when I could (like the bicep curls) and then gave myself permission to end the workout with a few machines left out.

After a quick stop at starbucks for a "IcedSkinnyVanillaLate" (yes you must say it like that or they will make you repeat yourself) we walked up Broadway (starting at Wall street) until I got too hungry (I hadn't had time for breakfast before I left the house) and we detoured to Whole Foods on Houston to get sushi from their sushi bar.

Tasty sushi......

Anyways, we ended up walking the rest of the way up to Union Square and then sat down in the park for a bit where we ended up talking about my weight loss.

This is not a good thing for us to talk about.

My renewed commitment to the gym started because my s.o. told me I was gaining too much weight and it was affecting our relationship. The problem is, his idea of where I should be is where I was when we started dating. Which was around 130lbs with the ability to fit into his 23" Jeans.

At the height of my weight I was getting close to 180lbs, wearing a size 14, and yes I knew I was fat and yes I knew I needed to loose weight. Having my boyfriend tell me I was fat sent me into panic mode. I subscribed to this "transitions(tm) lifestyle plan" with some friends which started with a "detox" diet. For a week I ate only egg whites, vegetables, and fruit. I cut my calories back drastically. I started working out. And I started loosing weight.

For a while I was loosing a respectable 2lbs a week, and then around 160lbs it stopped. I was still working out, I was still watching what I ate (although I was eating more than I was at first) but no weight loss. No body fat percentage loss. Just nothing. Out of desperation I pushed for my s.o. to come with me to a Sunday morning non-contact boxing class at a nearby gym. I got up at 11am on a Sunday to go to a 12:30 Boxing class, and pushed myself to the point where I could barely lift my arms afterwards. It was beautiful. I'm going again this Sunday (we skipped last week due to birthday party induced hangover.)

I've started loosing weight again. I'm down to 157/158 depending on when I weigh myself, and my body fat is down a few more percentage points to 32.6% (ish I'll get a hard number up on here when I do my *official weekly number* on Monday.) But I have absolutely no faith in my ability to maintain this rate of weight loss.

In fact, while the number say it, and my clothing size confirms it (I'm down to a size 10 jeans) when I look in the mirror I don't see any weight loss. I don't look any different. I still have a fat belly and saggy arms and huge thighs. And I know when my s.o. looks at me he sees these things and he's just patiently waiting to get his "hot girlfriend" back.

Our conversation this afternoon highlighted that to me. I was expressing my doubt about my ability to attain my "goal weight" of 135lbs. He said "Well you said before it would take you a year to get there, now you say you don't know if you can? what the hell?" When I responded that I just have no faith in my ability to continue my weight loss, he said "You just do it, or don't do it. It's not that hard."

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to curl up in a little ball and hide with a giant dove chocolate bar and a bacon cheeseburger. I wanted to give up.

I don't know if I can every make him understand what a battle this is for me. How closely I have to monitor everything I eat and how obsessively I have to exercise. I can't just "coast" through a workout because that dosn't burn enough calories. And the more weight I loose, the harder I have to work to maintain that same speed of weight loss.

*sigh*

Like I said, today was a rough day, and I *just* got settled in at work.
-Meg