Holy Life Change Batman!

Ok, I realize that I'm being kinda criptic with some of this, but it's an ongoing problem that really can't be talked about. So. Suffice to say that my employment situation is unstable. I am also moving this coming weekend.

My best intentions for going to the gym have been back burner-ed by the current situation coupled with my traitor ankles.

The ankles are feeling much better today. One of the major obstacles to my recovery has been the fact that I live in Brooklyn and work (for now) in Manhattan. Not walking is not an option.

I'm going to attempt swimming again this week, once I have a better idea on where things stand in the rest of my life, and start back on the Hundred Push Up Challenge, although I do believe I'll have to drop back a few weeks.

I'm trying to see this as a positive thing, change is inevitable, and I was unhappy with my situation as it was.

I've also lost about two pounds from this. It's not that I haven't been eating, although I've been having to force myself to eat. I just haven't been eating much. And the things that I can stomach right now are very lite fare. Like I mentioned before, apparently my body reacts to this kind of stress by imposing a forced diet on me.

Things will be a bit more settled and clarified after today.

Change is inevitable.
-Meg

Modified Workouts

I couldn't face the gym today. After waking up and trying to walk to the bathroom, I wrapped my ankles, downed some Advil and decided to shoot for a Thursday return date at the gym. In the meantime I'm going to try and modify my workout so that most of what I do does not involve my ankles. I've been researching strength moves I can do to work various parts of my body with little to no equipment and without standing or using my ankles in any way.

So Far My list includes:
Push ups
Planks
SuperPeople
Sensei Mark Specials
Ab Choppers
Bicycle Crunches
Hamstring Ball Curl

If you've got any ideas on various workout moves I can try please let me know...I'm desperate here!

Of course I'm going to try (and I stress the try) to hit the pool to get some Cardio on Thursday. It's not that I don't have the time, or that I don't love swimming...it's well, er....it's the swimsuit issue. The idea of wearing a swimsuit in front of people I don't know makes me get slightly panicky. But since almost all forms of Cardio exercise that I can think of in some way involve my ankles, I may be forced (once again) to embrace a form of exercise that I've been avoiding.

I'm still bummed about the fact that I'm basically sidelined right now. Just when I was starting to catch the running bug, I manage to break myself.

Calorie counting is now of paramount importance. I'm terrified that if I'm not very careful I'm going to erase all the hard work I've done. Especially since I'm upset, and I'm an emotional eater.

Like tokaiangel said "Think like a surfer - 'stay stiff and ride the black wave'."
-Meg

The Diet Dilema

How does one "Diet" healthfully?

I am trying to "Diet" in conjunction with my exercise with the goal of loosing weight and trimming down my clothing size. The only way that I've ever known how to "Diet" is to count Calories and Fat. I have no idea what a healthy number for either of these is...I've always just tried to eat as few of both as possible when I diet, which is most likely not a good idea.

What is a girl to do when everything that "works" for people isn't healthy? In my head when I'm reading posts from people who are recovering from eating disorders, part of my brain is berating me for not having the willpower to do that. That yeah it might not be healthy, but it'll get you there, you can always start eating healthy once you loose the weight.

When I count the calories I eat on a normal day of "healthy" eating, the number shocks me. And I'm not talking a ton of food here, I'm talking small meals with maybe one or two healthy snacks. And yet somehow those numbers are always huge.

This is Day three of keeping a food journal and I'm already wanting to quit.
Yesterdays totals (Wednesday July 30th): Calories- 1412 Fat-31.9 Carbs-161.5 Protein-38.6

Exercise today was walking the two point something miles from Battery Park to Union Square. I really need to start hitting the gym more.
-Meg

Workout, with a vengeance!

I feel much better today. Later last night, after posting I had a wicked vertigo attack, so I do believe that my negative state of mind was in part associated with the oncoming attack. Gotta love the human body. I would like to thank tokaiangel very much for her kind words about my state of mind last night , it's always good to know that there are people out there pulling for you. ^_^

Today I hit the gym hard. With a Vengeance!! I got there earlier than usual, and jumped on the treadmill. I warmed up for two minutes then ran steady for a full 30 minutes. No stopping, No slowing. I even managed to run a little faster on a little bit of an incline for the last two minutes. I cooled down for 5 minutes then hit the mats for strength.

This is my second time through week 5 of the Hundred Push Up Challenge, today was day 2 redux. I'm still just barely making it through the required sets. I feel fine up until the last "max" set. Then I BARELY eek out those last few push ups.

After the push ups I did a set of 25 "sensei mark specials" (I'm trying to work my way back up to sets of 50 of them) a set of 15 "toe touch crunches" with a 10 lb weight in my hands, 2 sets of 10 "ab choppers" (one set on each side), 2 sets of 15 side crunches (again one set on each side), 2 sets on each side of 15 triceps kick backs with a 10 lb weight, and 2 sets in each direction side squats.

I stretched for a while until the S.O. showed up then we hit the ellipticals. One thing I'm noticing now that I'm doing running on the treadmill before I get on the elliptical machines is how freaking tired I am by the time I get to the ellipticals. But I managed to keep myself moving at a respectable rate with the resistance up at 10 for 30 minutes, even if every minute felt like I was trying to run in knee deep snow.

I hit the showers and then we headed to Starbucks for my daily indulgence (a tall iced skinny vanilla late...mmmm.)

I started keeping a food journal yesterday, and over the course of the day I racked up a total of 1606 Calories, 47.7g Fat, 188 Carbs, and a measly 58g Protein. I'm going to report my daily totals here and hopefully that'll help keep me accountable.

The word for today is Rededicated.
-Meg

I'm trying to stay positive

I'm so frustrated right now. I feel like most of my life is conspiring to keep me from reaching my weight loss goals. I try and eat healthy, and I try to work out and stay active, and yet, I'm still not loosing weight. I really don't want to resort to cutting my calories drastically, and I really don't have time to go to the gym more than I do, but I have to do something.

A friend posted pictures taken at my 30th Birthday Party back in May. I had lost weight by then, from my original weigh in of 178. I was down to around 160, which coincidentally is about where I'm stuck now. ( I'm at 157.8 lbs )

It was all I could do just to not burst out crying at those pictures. I look chubby, chunky, out of shape, fat, horrible. I put a picture down at the bottom left side of the page for reference...the best of the bunch.

And I know that's just how I would look if those pictures were taken today instead of back in May.

Two months and no progress. Two months and I still haven't had to go another notch in on my belt, and my clothes still don't fit well.

I'm going to start using a food diary asap. Maybe that will help me determine where my calories are coming from. I'm going to start trying to add in extra workouts somewhere. I just don't know where...between trying to move, my job and my freelance work, I honestly don't know where I can find more time, unless I give up some sleep. And I'm kinda attached to sleep.

Hopefully the food diary will help. Otherwise I'm out of ideas.
-Meg